Once Upon a Tale
by Blaze ocean dragon
Summary: Ficlet of Buwaro's Tales of Flame Series. Once upon a time, there was a Prince, his princess, their advisors, a rebel fighter, a ninja, a samurai, a maid girl, a knight, a wizard, and a timetraveller.
1. in which the Lady breaks stuff

_Once upon a time, there was a prince…_

I looked around as I stormed through the cold stone corridors, snarling as I went. Unfortunately, all the peons had already learned to stay out of my way whenever I did that, and as such, I was deprived of a target to unload my frustrations on. At this rate, I'd have to burn down another forest to relieve stress is some poor sod didn't cross my path within the next few minutes.

"Uh, S-sire...? Are you alright?"

I grinned, slowly and surely, allowing each and every fang to show itself. That would do nicely.

_…And his royal counselor…_

The wartortle cleared his throat nervously, obviously already anxious about bugging me. As he should've been. He fiddled with his strange blue hat perched between his two fluffy ears. Somehow, it made him look like even more of a prat.

I swatted it off his head.

He visibly gulped again. I didn't smile this time. "What?" I growled at him, a spark coming from the back of my throat. At this point, the poor wartortle looked terrified… Probably for good reason, considering what I did to that messenger last night…

"N-nothing, Flame, Sire… I w-was just saying Fervo comes in today…"

I grunted in reply. I had a fair system; if someone brought more than three articles of bad news to me in the same day, I would hurt them. Not, to say, bringing me less than three would guaranty they left in able-bodied condition, but it improved their chances by a decent amount.

At the moment, the fluff-eared freak was at one strike. If there was one political figure I never wanted to have met, it was that complete jerkass of an ambassador, Fervo. Well, except maybe-

"But sir, we also got in our new imports today. As usual, the finest of the bunch were added to your personal selection."

I paused for a second. Well, I suppose that wasn't bad news. This barren patch of dirt I apparently ruled over apparently couldn't produce much in the way of fruit, so we had to import everything. However we got the money to do so, I neither knew nor cared.

Still, if there were fresh apples, I supposed I could spend the day feasting instead of beating up the annoying turtle. I waved him off, then began to walk back to my chambers, licking my lips in anticipation. The Wartortle got off this time, lucky bastard.

"Uhm, also Sire? My brother contacted me earlier today… Your marriage to princess Scarlet is schedualed for sixty-five hours from this hour."

Or maybe he wasn't so lucky. Didn't matter either way, I supposed, cracking my knuckles as I advanced on the not-so lucky fluff-eared councilor. "Squirt, you really shouldn't tell me these things."

He nodded meekly.

_…And his princess, and her counselor…._

I winced as the fragments of yet another chair spread over the cold, stone floor. "And what did that chair do to offend you so, Milady? Perhaps it made a crude gesture?"

The Charmandress I was addressing simply folded her arms haughtily. "That one, I just felt like smashing."

I was unphased. "Of course you did, Lady Scarlet. How so DO I envy the Lord Flame." I responded dryly, acutely aware I was among the very, very few that could do so without suffering a plasma-blast to the cranium.

Scarlet responded by growling, though I could tell the anger wasn't aimed towards me. Which was quite lucky, considering I didn't want the enmity of, first of all, the employer that signed the checks, and secondly, the crazy Dragon lady that wasn't above violating a Zubat if necessary.

"Ash, if that bastard walks out again…" She growled at me, as if I couldn't see she was irritated. Any other would probably be rather intimated by her foul mood (Especially a male, considering her methods of punishing them were… variable. Once again, the Zubat incident), but considering I had known her since she had been a kit, I knew this wasn't much in the way of her temper. If anything, she was acting hopeful Lord Flame would finally show up this time.

Which, I hoped, he would. I bore no real love for Lord Flame, but I doubted the Lady's response to being stood up for the fifth time in a row would be pleasant. Not, to say, her response to the previous ones had been much better, but at least those she had attacked had received any permanent injury. Not surprising, since her target for four out of five of those responses was Lord Flame himself, who was apparently made of titanium.

I sighed as the Lady proceeded to destroy another small fortune in the furniture of the room. I wish I had confidence in my brother's ability to somehow convince the Lord Flame to show up for a marriage.

Sadly, the results thusfar and the many scars he boasted proved the contrary was true.

I allowed myself a small sigh. I needed someone to somehow convince the Lord to show up for his own wedding… unfortunately, that was easier said than done. The prince was much too proud and headstrong to show up simply out of duty, and out of force was out of the question, as even if we had the manpower to somehow get past his guards and bind him, I doubted the lady would appreciate being married to a man while he was in chains.

Then again, considering her… strange tastes, that might not be a big issue with her.

Still, I needed someone to make him WISH to get hitched. Once again, I highly doubted he'd do it out of political duty; It would personally be a surprise if he even understood the drastic position his kingdom was in, and martial relations with the Lady's much more splendiferous kingdom was quite possibly its only economic hope; So, I'd need someone to make him wish to marry the Lady for some other reason.

I felt a bit of a pit in my stomach. The lady was not unappealing; quite the contrary, she was a rather attractive member of her species, with curves envied by more than a couple other females, both in the Royal office and by insignificant commoners. Unfortunately, her personality on the other hand, wasn't exactly perfect…

I winced, noting that her systematic destruction of the room which she was doing apparently in a very specific order, by rank of price, quite affirmed that.

The Lord wasn't any better, fortunately, so he couldn't hold that against her. Or at least, not if he had anything against being labeled a hypocrite, which I had the sneaking suspicion he did not.

In any case, all reports seemed to indicate that the Lord wasn't interested in members of the opposite sex at all. For a small while I had, unfortunately, came to the obvious conclusion, and sent out my response; the next report I received was both slightly bloodstained, and clearly reported the answer was 'No.', which was a relief in some ways. At least, now, I knew the Lord was simply not interested in romance, as opposed to not being interested in females as a whole.

So, I would require someone to spark the Lord Flame's interest, preferably in the Lady directly although I supposed a more roundabout method could be possible.

But who could possibly come up with a plan such as that…

I would have to write to my brother, and brainstorm ideas. Because there could be nobody ludicrous enough to create a plot in order to bond the two fiery lizards…

_And of course, the fool._

"Greetings Prince Flame, always a pleasure to see you healthy in the… orange. And same to you madam, perhaps you'd like to join me later, eh?" The ambassador winked, at the servant girl, who blushed and hurried about her work. Squirt appeared livid for some reason, but I hardly cared.

"Go die in a ditch, Fervo." was my only response.


	2. in which the Samurai discovers stuff

_The fool had been traveling for many days and many nights, over the forests and seas, from his far-off kingdom to the east, bearing a message of great importance. He had entered the majestic gates with a great crash, as he demanded to see the Prince, so might deliver his kingdom's drastic plea._

"Fervo" I said, my anger strangely in check, despite the increasing urge to strangle the ambassador. As far as I was aware, that was the normal reaction to the green lizard's appearance, clad in a red silk shirt and elaborate blue leggings and jacket, complete with what appeared to be a massive black tricorn hat.

Somehow, he looked even MORE like a moron than the last time I had seen him; At the moment, he resembled a half-braindead jackass from the coast with too much money trying to LOOK like a pirate.

And even more than that, minutes after barging in unannounced, he began ordering the various servants around like he owned the place. Which he didn't, I should mention. _I, _on the other hand, DID.

Just to make sure of this, I knocked a brown vase off its stand, causing it to crash against the stone below, before yelling at a timid servant to clean it up.

Fervo just swallowed while chuckling (I hoped to every deity in existence that he'd choke, and reminded myself to give them each individually the middle claw later, considering the green-scaled ambassador seemed alright), before responding in his annoying, taunting tone; "Now Flame, remember what we have to do about that anger of yours. Hey-" He said, calling over another female servant with a kind smirk. "Would you mind filling this up for me, would you? Thanks, dear." He said, winking after her, his eyes still watching her for a second after she turned around.

"Sorry Flame, were you saying something?" He said once again, like a complete prat. I hadn't been, but it still enraged me.

"Fervo. Why the fuck are you here, why the fuck did you think you could COME here, and WHY the fuck did you think you could come here, and eat my food?" I said, with more than a little snarl. I was in a bad mood, if you couldn't guess, and the ambassador wasn't making anything easier.

Fervo just chuckled to himself, and helped himself to another berry. "Diplomatic immunity, Flame. It's a great thing, really. I REALLY have to thank my cousin for getting this gig some time. A pity he's a little busy with his… husband…" The treecko keeled over laughing slightly. I quirked an eyebrow, seriously considering ripping off a ligament or two; who the hell laughs at a secret joke in public?

Fervo calmed down to a chuckle. "Gotta love political loopholes, impressionable kings, and feminine males. Anywho, you were saying Flame?"

I twitched slightly, mentally noting that was the second time he had said that. Fair enough, that was two strikes. I grinned slightly at the thought of a third.

"Fine then? Good to hear." Fervo helped himself to some more food.

I growled slightly. "WHY the hell are you here anyway?"

The lizard paused, then shrugged. I quirked an eyebrow.

"Dunno." He responded, taking a bite of a fruit- which I noted as an apple.

…The bastard.

Now, a lesser person than me would've halted their revenge when the door opened again behind me, revealing my political advisor. However, I am not a lesser person.

The wartortle looked strangely surprised to see me attempting to skin alive the green-scaled idiot. Which was strange, because he had witnessed the last five times it had happened before.

"Err, Flame…" He started, calling to me while fiddling with his hat. Honestly, why did he even keep that thing? It looked nearly as bad as the Pirate-lizard I was trying to kill.

Who, speaking of which, was keeping obnoxiously out of the way; while smirking no less. He jumped up on the table without a second thought to avoid my first swing; So, direct as always, I pushed the table over.

"Sire!" I heard Squirt yell at me. I hardly cared, though he seemed to have thick paper in his hand. Oh great, paperwork, like that made me want to pay him attention.

Instead, I focused on inhaling, then exhaling a large fireball at the green lizard, who smirked and leaped out of the way. I growled; how he kept agile with all that crap he was wearing, I would never know.

"This isn't really becoming behavior, Flame" Fervo chuckled at me. I hardly cared, and shot another fireball at him; This one, satisfyingly, hitting him square in the face and singing that stupid tricorn hat; Seriously, does everyone here have to own a stupid hat? The day I started wearing anything close to that is the day I join a search-and-rescue team with an Eevee.

"Well…" He said after a moment, licking his paw then wiping off a bit of the residual ash. He then promptly took off his hat, looking at it sourly "Aww, this was a nice hat." He muttered sourly. I rolled my eyes at him, and approached him quickly with claws raised.

Fervo glanced at me for a moment, sidestepped out of the way, then with a flourish, pulled something from a thin scabbard near his side I hadn't noticed in light of his other fashion accessories.

"Halt, villain!" He said with in a dramatic tone, pointing the rapier at the side of my neck, smirking all the while.

I paused for a second, closed my eyes, and counted to five. It was apparently a anger-restraining exercise that my psychiatrist Sarah made me promise to do whenever people pointed sharp objects at me, or were just being assholes. Somehow, Fervo managed both within fifteen minutes.

"SIRE!" Squirt was yelling now, waving his arms franticly. I still didn't get why HE didn't get I was ignoring him, as to anyone with half a brain, that would be apparent. Then again, perhaps that was the problem.

I stepped away from Fervo, then lunged, batting away the thin piece of metal easily with one claw. The Treecko cursed, stepped off to the side again, and threw the sword at me.

Seriously. He threw it at me.

The hilt of the damned thing clipped my face, however, stunning me for half a second while I looked around for him for a second.

I found the bugger off a fair distance away already, next to Squirt. He muttered something, with a largish leaf in his hand. He folded it lengthwise, then curled it up, putting it to his lips.

Naturally, I didn't care what he was attempting to do, and ran at him again; It was hardly likely anything he could do (short of throwing a sword) could take me by surprise, or knock me out. He was a lightweight.

I wasn't expecting, however, sharp musical notes to pour out from the makeshift flute, which rang in my head. I slowed as I felt a migraine, then promptly collapsed a moment later.

The last thing I heard before I blacked out was the bastard muttering "It would've been flashier to use the sword…".

- - -

"ASH!" I heard the lady snarl, smoke already pluming from the sides of her mouth. "Who the hell's job was it to make the cake THIS time?" Her snarl increased "Because I need to know who to kill. The lazy bitch used the SAME cake from last time!"

I rolled my eyes and responded in my normal polite tone. "Milady, with all due respect, NOBODY is. That is why the previous cake is being used, as We were unable to find a suitable baker willing to work after your… creative differences with the previous one."

The charmandress paused, obviously having not expected that. "Was he the Kadabra? Bastard. I caught him complaining that nobody would even eat it when working."

She then proceeded to smirk almost contentedly, which I personally found much more troubling than her snarl. I waited a few moments to make sure she wasn't about to keep raging, and satisfied the memory had diverted her attention enough; I brought up my own business.

"Milady, I've recently received news from my sibling within Lord Flame's court, that the Ambassador Fervo is currently taking residence within their walls. Do you wish to invite him? I needn't remind you of the possible political connotations either decision could possibly have."

The Lady made a slight (quite undignified snort). "'Possible political connotations'? Ash, even you know even Fervo's country doesn't want him. And I already have one male lizard at the wedding that makes me want to kill, two is perhaps overkill."

I nodded, having anticipated the answer a while ago. Still, I was bound by duty to report it to her; of course, what I hadn't mentioned was my own personal letter to the lizard. While he was a degenerate, infuriating and altogether uncouth being, one couldn't deny his creativity. His…strange…sense of entertainment also almost assured he would aid me in attempting to convince Lord Flame to attend his own marriage ceremony; all in all, it was a stroke of good fortune he had gotten in when he did. The Lady made a small displeased sound in the back of her throat, then entered her chambers through the nearby door, presumably to let off more steam.

_A Samurai, clad in gleaming armor and a blade sharper than any knife made by mortal creature, had also arrived when he had heard of the union between the two royals. With armor of ruby finish and a soul dedicated to the code of honor, he pledged his sword to the princess once again, working for only the betterment of his own kingdom and not for personal gain. Though not a native of the land he served, he was the land's most loyal servant, and took his title in pride._

I blinked as I heard an odd clinking in the distance. Looking down the hall, I saw an odd sight; a white quadruped creature, donning large plates of red armor over his body. Even his legs and paws were covered in the material, making him look nigh-impervious to any kind of blow. He didn't seem to carry a weapon (doubtful he could use it, anyway, considering the quadruped thing), but he did seem to have an odd horn-like growth out of the back of his head, which curved backwards like a blade. It too, was dyed red, which seemed to be either for aesthetic or religious reasons than any other functionality. Several red markings stood out against his snow-white fur also, making him look like some sort of feral creature.

Until you noticed the bored look on his face, and the fact he couldn't open a door without extreme difficulty. Dione looked unapproachable, but compared to the princess, he was as volatile as a glass of water. He was hired by the Princess several years earlier as a personal bodyguard and mercenary; I couldn't entirely recall the reason he had been sent out recently, but I assumed it was a successful mission.

I raised a paw in greeding. "Sir Dione."

The absol nodded at me, but didn't say anything. He walked up to a nearby door, and with a slight sigh, attempted to grasp the knob with his teeth and claws.

I suppressed a snicker. A year or so ago, I and interior decorating team of the castle had replaced all the door knobs with ones specifically made to resist Dione's poor attempts to open them. Call it cruel, pranks such as that were the only solstice the Smeargle got between being thrashed by the Lady for using Aquamarine for the walls of the bathrooms instead of Cyan.

"Allow me to get that for you, Sir Dione." I said in my, once again, helpful, calm tone. I walked over and twisted the knob, opening it. Dione shot me a knowing look, and walked in. I paused for a moment, before following him, deciding I was rather curious of what his goal was.

"DON'T YOU EVER KNOCK?" The Lady exclaimed, noticeably wearing much less clothing than before, now reduced down to her night gown; assumingly, she was about to go to sleep.

Dione grunted slightly. "No." He said flatly. "You told me to come back as soon as physically possible. Knocking would've wasted valuable seconds."

The charmandress snarled (again). "You've been gone for four months and you're worried about SECONDS?" she growled at him.

The absol was undisturbed, possibly aware he was also one that could get away from the Lady's rages without injury. And yet, something looked cocky about his stance, something odd…different.

"Well, my Lady, you see, seconds matter now, but not for long. See, I succeeded."

Scarlet raised an eyebrow. "'Succeeded'? How could you 'succeed'? You left to find… the fountain of youth, or something like that…"

Dione chuckled. "No, Lady, I left to find immortality. The Fountain is only one thing I searched for… but is not what I found. No, what I found was…"

He gave a smirk.

"The Wizard."

"


End file.
